Thursday, April 2, 2009

Sliverwick III

---->Patch me a Purpose>

I'm anticipating a tragedy. It's going to happen; I just know it. It's up to me to be ready... I alone. Who will be the hero, if not myself? Although, it is so much easier to be someone else's hero than my own. Perhaps if I try for someone else, someone will try for me. Maybe I am the solution to my own dilema.

There is an end to everything. There is an end to happiness. Yes, I suppose that would mean that there is an end to sadness too, but at least that end is wanted. When all of your soul wishes for something to continue, there is no doubt that anyone would be crushed by its obliteration. That is tragedy.

I'm finding pieces of myself that I've left behind; some I thought I lost, some I've forgotten. I thought I was searching for someone; it turns out that this search is just as much for my real self.

I've taken up playing the kinds of games that I used to, making new friends on old sites and reading the kind of stories which used to inspire me many years ago... And I'm slowly remembering who I used to be before I hit the "Start" button to my adventure. I'm remembering the emotions I used to feel, the same motivations and a new sense of freedom. There were many things I used to want to do back then but I was too young and too protected. I'm surprised that I forgot about all the joys that I wanted to set out and achieve. But at least now...

The other night I patrolled the streets of my neighbourhood past midnight. It was actually surprising to find youth in groups still strolling around at that hour. Perhaps heading back home after a party or bar that they had just attended. At least they were in groups. I was equipped with my phone and some other items such as food and light that I stashed within the pockets of my bulky jacket. I listened closely to the night as if it were my best friend. It felt good to be unrestricted in movement -without having to keep in mind the worry of anyone that is. It felt good to be strolling with a sense of purpose; ready for an emergency at any moment. It felt like the world was my business, and every crisis in it was a problem I personally needed to deal with. I felt like there were no boundaries that I couldn't cross, no homes that I couldn't see into. My senses were heightened; what a rush. Searching the internet is one thing... But making your body move through space for the same reason is another. I realize that the ground I covered was perhaps a million times less than 1% of the world, and the time in which I covered it was even less to anyone sleeping... But still... One second or one step could mean the difference between life-filled moments and an endless eternity. The odds are not in my favor, but if fate needs me, I am there to be made use of.

It's really unfortunate that I'm not big enough to envelope the entire world with care. Ha... it's already a challenge for me to love anyone larger than my physical self. I can't help but feel inadequate at being able to send them enough warmth. Yes, the boundaries of my contour limit my perception. I have yet to rise above that. So in the meantime, I will try to increase my capacity by sending my love to random strangers. Well, alright... Not entirely random. I will find people who are also idealists; at least in this way, I believe that I will be able to understand those ones deeply should they need it.

We all need someone to be loved by, and to love in return. I wish nothing more than to envelope someone meaningful to me from behind within my arms -hoping that they would feel my love and positive wishes ebbing into their soul with every heart beat, while each breath being a silent promise of a warm tomorrow to come. If you need me, I will be there for you. Yes, it will take time to gain your trust and confidence... Yes, it does require a lot of finesse and patience... But I do have time. For the next however many years you wish, I can be your Excalibur. Both a protective force and a companion you can keep at your side. Yes... For the next long while, my love will be readily available to the world. It simply takes a willing wielder. Love is my greatest passion, and I stand ready by my convictions.

Will you be the one to break the spell of my standstill; the one to draw me from stone? Will you let me love you?


Many years ago, when I first discovered the uses of the internet, I joined a website called PokemonCrater. At first it was fun to capture those cute little pixelated creatures, but the main reason for my stay was due to the nice niche of friends that I had found within their chatrooms (which looked a lot like the mIRC of today). We roleplayed a lot of Final Fantasy. I was always this one character from Final Fantasy 9. I still remember some of the conversations and the relationships. The words Snorlax and Freya still trigger memories. Back then I was known as Blank. Who would've known that I would still be requiring Supersoft 10 years later...


"But the food was not what sustained the racer, it was her new-found purpose." - Saun

"I hope it's not too late... 'Cause you are not alone. I'm always there with you... And we'll get lost together, until the light comes pouring through." - Michael Bubblé

"I wish you would put your head upon my chest so that you could hear how much I love you."

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